Al-Qaeda in Iraq Announces New Leader. Or Do They?

In the aftermath of the sudden passing of its now fragmented leader, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Al-Qaeda at Iraq contradicted its marginally shaken members about who’d like to shoot over Mr. Zarqawis project. After a decided effort, the group was able to find a terrorist who, however expressing clear hesitation, was finally persuaded to accept the expectedly brief position.

The usual amateurish Webcast was quickly organized, and also the new leader, flanked by other terrorists wearing the standard-issue black head disguises, introduced himselfwith observable knee shaking, as Abu Hamza al-Muhajer.

From the co-opted, overbearingly spiritual language that has become the global standard in terrorist-speak, the newest leader of Al-Qaeda at Iraq vowed to avenge al-Zarqawis departure and vowed that he and the other holy warriors will proceed with what they perceive as a holy war against their very own helpless people and the people Al-Qaeda refers to using moronic medieval acumen as the crusaders.

Don’t allow the joy of killing his Sheikh Abu Musab, may God bless his soulfool you, he stated, because left lions”

To prove his point, even in that moment, he hauled up an raw shish-kabob and also took a bite out of it. Chewing about the raw lamb meathe continued:”He increased them by himself and they trained within his den. They believe in their ideology, and they fight only for God and in God and through God.”

Apparently, the group needed to reach far into its rankings to find another willing volunteer. Unfortunately, nobody on the side of the infidels had ever heard of himeven the very erudite terrorist analyst.

A few days later, his identity was determined. After the announcement, his photo-ID poster was chosen to a US shooting range for target practice.

No comment was forthcoming until and a couple days later, as soon as a terrorist of even less repute made a tape, claiming he is the rightful fellow who is picture should be on the shooting range.

Whoever the new leader is, when apprehended alive, he will be sent for retraining in spiritual ideology to an educated mosque, if one can be found, wherein he will learn the disconcerting sense that when, because he and his own ill-informed cohorts maintain, there’s only one true God, although crusaders are the children of the same God, so such a God is unlikely to welcome them in the paradise they long for as a reward for their murderous activities but are far more likely present them using a more heated welcome and destination.