Making Marriage Work, Part 2

(This is part Two of a 5-part Show on making marriage work)

Are you currently in a relationship where you are either fighting a lot of the time or feeling distant, disconnected, and with no passion? Or, do you find yourselves going along fine until a conflict arises, then you cant seem to find a way to resolve it? Do you either try to acquire by getting angry and defensive, or devote to avoid the others anger and defensiveness? Do you find yourself shut down, watertight of the time resistant or numbed out? Do you and your partner love each other, however bitterness is building because of communicating problems and all the unresolved conflicts?

Relationship issues occur when the dual fears of lack of anothers love (rejection) and reduction of self (engulfment) happen to be triggered. Every one of us has discovered methods for trying to have control over getting and avoiding the annoyance we think we handle. We want them to be The moment these fears is triggered we automatically enter our learned ways of protecting against pain and seeking to control another person to being how. Our spouses behavior is often activated by this protective, controlling behavior As soon as we get angry, give , draw or withstand. The interactions that follow could be filled with judgment, blame, anger, defensiveness, explaining, denying, withdrawal and also resistance. Love does not prosper in the face of those difficult interactions.

Within this show, I’ll show you the method of Inner Bonding can be used to fully change your relationship.

A variant of The Six Measures are:

1. Willingness
2. Opt for the objective
3. Dialogue with all the feelings
4. Dialogue with your Power
5. Take loving actions
6. Evaluate the action.

We will start with Step One of Inner Bonding: Willingness. In Step One, you decide to be eager to feel your emotions and take responsibility for these, instead of turn into controlling, addictive behavior.

You can not change your responsive behaviors that are automatic until you become conscious.

When someone gets angry, judgmental supporting you personally, or coughing what do you feel in your body?

What do you feel in your body when someone withdraws shuts down, or becomes more immune?

Have a moment to listen to your body and find out what it feels like if your fears of rejection or engulfment become triggered. What happens in your throat your tummy, your heart, your arms and legs? Is it true that the stress reaction fills and also go into the flight or fight response?

You cannot start to react if your fears of rejection or engulfment are triggered before you know that fear has been triggered. You will continue to respond with your protections that are learned before you become conscious of what you are protecting from.

We have all learned many ways of being mindful and preventing feeling. All addictive behavior substance abuse, process dependence, reactive behavior toward others, and judgmental notions supporting ourselves are ways of preventing feeling the deep loneliness, in addition to helplessness across the other persons emotions and behavior, that’s in the heart of all addictive behaviors. This solitude and helplessness is triggered, when your partner acts in certain controlling or rejecting way toward you personally. However, these are difficult feelings to believe that most of us can turn into our addictive behaviors that are learned to avoid them. We can try to have control over another person by getting angry, judgmental or giving in, or we’ll try to control this loneliness’ annoyance with process and substance addictions.

The only way out of the is to be inclined to feel that the challenging feelings of helplessness and isolation over the others and also learn to handle these feelings instead of avoid them. In the event you should learn to accept and handle these feelings instead of turn to your learned protective behaviors that are controlling, you’d start to change.

The Six-Step Inner Bonding process is really a process for transferring out of your reactive behavior and to compassion and kindness toward your own partner. The articles in this collection will explain to you just how to do this.