Making Marriage Work, Part 3

In Part 2 of this Show, I Provided a version of the Six Step healing process of Inner Bonding:

1. Willingness
2. Choose the intent to find out
3. Dialogue with all the feelings
4. Dialogue with your Power
5. Take loving actions
6. Evaluate the action.

Part 2 described what it means to maintain Step One that it means to be willing to feel your emotions and have responsibility for these, rather than switch to protective, controlling behavior.

We will now proceed to Step Two: Selecting the intent to learn.

In Step Two, you start to learning about the your thoughts, beliefs and behavior which are currently causing your pain. You let go of believing that it is your spouse who is causing your anxiety and you’re willing to have full, 100% responsibility for the emotions of anxiety, nervousness, anger, and hurt, rejection, and jealousy, numbness, guilt, and shame, aloneness or melancholy. In Step Two, you start to your Higher Self so you learn about what you might be doing to create them and can compassionately embrace your feelings.

For example, since Justin spends a whole great deal of time at 21, Joan feels angry, alone, rejected and left. Joan has been nagging Justin, judging him and blaming him to her feelings. The consequence of this is that Justin has gotten busier. He is obviously going into immunity, not wanting to be commanded by Joan.

Joan is using her anger and attribute to avoid setting her pain. She’s hooked on making him responsible for her own emotions and having her eyes on Justin. When he spends with her, then she feels worthy and happy, and she feels insecure and anxious, if he doesnt.

If Joan had been to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, then she would start with Step One – composed and compassionately embracing her rage, aloneness, fear and resentment. She would be with those feelings just as a parent will be with a child with kindness and empathy toward herself.

Then, rather than going into her normal protective, controlling behavior of blaming Justin for her feelings with her rage, nagging and complaining, she would proceed to Step Two, starting her soul to learning on what she may be telling herself and how she may be treating herself that is actually causing her own annoyance. She would open for her older, wiser internal self, her Self, to help her stay receptive to learning. She would decide to be interested about behavior and her faith, rather than judgmental toward her or Justin.

She’s moving out of being a victim and into responsibility when Joan moves into Step Two. This intent shift will instantly begin to change the interactions between both Joan and Justin. Her energy will shift from attempting to control Justin to learning about himself with her rage, blame and complaints when Joan shifts her intention. Justin will actually feel this energy shift, even though he is not in precisely the identical room as Joan. Energy is not local. We all unconsciously pick up when they are accepting when we’re angry with us and loving.

This goal shift is very important for treating a relationship. You’re trying to get your spouse to change to make you feel better and as long as your eyes have been on your spouse, you will continue to have a relationship. At these times when you’re receptive how you’re causing them to learning willing to sense your feelings you will discover your relationship improves.

The shift out of attempting to control your spouse and into studying about loving yourself is one.

In Parts 4 and 5, I will continue through the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, showing you how Joan employs these powerful actions to heal her relationship with Justin.