Making Marriage Work, Part 4

In Part 1 of this series, I explained the fears of rejection and engulfment that underlie relationship problems.

In Section 2 of this series, I provided a simplified variant of this Six Step healing process of Inner Bonding:

1. Willingness
2. Select the intent
3. Dialogue with all the feelings
4. Dialogue with your Higher Power
5. Take loving actions
6. Assess the action.

Part 2 clarified what it means to be in Measure One that it means to be happy to feel your emotions and accept responsibility for them, rather than turn to protective, controlling behaviour.

Part 3 clarified what it means to be in Measure Two – picking exactly the intent to find out – with Justins and Joans union for instance.

Part 4 continues with Joan and Justin, describing Joan utilizes Steps 4 and 3 of Inner Bonding to take care of the problems within her union.

In Step 3 Inner Bonding, Joan investigates her beliefs and behaviour that is causing her pain. From a location within of curiosity and compassion, Joan dialogues with her emotions of fear, aloneness, anger and resentment. Imagining that she is a loving parent speaking with a child, her Child queries are asked by Joan:

Loving Adult Joan: Small Joanie, what am I thinking or doing that is causing you so much pain?

Inner Child Joanie: You keep telling me Justin doesnt love me anymore. You are scaring me . Whenever a lot is worked by Justin, you tell me that he is working because he doesnt love me – that if he loved me, then he’d spend time together. You just keep telling me because a lot is worked by Justin, that there must be something wrong with me.

Joan moves into Measure 4 Dialoguing with her Greater Power/Higher Self. Joan supposes her private concept of Spirit God, Goddess, her Higher Self, an mentor or teacher, or a spiritual guide.

Joan asks her guidance: what’s the facts regarding the belief that if Justin works , he doesnt love me?

Joan opens and relaxes, moving from her thinking mind and letting the info to come from her Guidance through her. This Advice is here about enjoying action toward ourselves and for us now and we will get the information once we are open to learning about the truth. It requires a little time, but eventually Joan receives the following advice:

Higher Guidance: Sometimes Justin works late because he has a lot of work to perform and it has nothing to do with you personally. Because he is fearful of nagging as well as your blaming he works. You are loved by him, but he doesnt feel loved by you personally, and his manner of handling feeling unloved with you will be to keep away.

One way we understand what’s true and what’s a lie is it makes us feel. She still feels fearful and lonely when Joan tells herself that she is loved by Justin doesnt. When she tells herself the fact she feels crisp and calm.

Joan asks her guidance: What are the actions ? What actions would be in my good?

Greater Guidance: Instead of focusing on what Justin is doing and how long he is spending with you, concentrate on what will be entertaining for you. His being late gives you a chance to catch up with friends and family, to see, and to perform the things you enjoy doing. You might take the dance class you have desired to take. You will feel a lot better rather than making Justin responsible for you, if you take care of yourself. When he sees you more pleased than when you are always complaining and unhappy, he will want to spend time.

In the final section of this series, we will see what happens along with Joan as she moves Steps 6 and 5 of Inner Bonding.