Making Marriage Work, Part 5

In Part 1 of the series, I described the fears of rejection and engulfment that underlie relationship issues.

In Section 2 of the 5-part show, I offered a variant of the Six Step healing process of Inner Bonding:
1. Willingness
2. Opt for the intent to learn
3. Dialogue with the feelings
4. Dialogue with your Higher Power
5. Take loving actions
6. Assess the action.

Part 2 described what it means to maintain Measure One thing it means to be prepared to feel your emotions and take responsibility for these, instead of turn to protective, controlling behavior.

Part 3 described what it means to maintain Measure Two – choosing exactly the intent – utilizing Joans and Justins marriage for instance.

Part 4 described Joan used Steps 4 and 3 of Inner discovering her faith and behavior that caused her pain Bonding to successfully deal with the issues within her marriage, and discovering the truth and loving actions.

Today Joan moves into Measure 5 carrying the action that is loving. She stops Justin and begins taking care of her . Instead of always waiting for Justin to come home, she makes plans to have dinner with some of her girlfriends. She’s happy to visit Justin, when she comes back from dinner and he is happy to see . He is happy to find that she is happy instead of angry with him.

Into educating the piano, joan signs to get a dance class and gets back. On those evenings when she has plannedshe gets into reading her mystery novels, which she loves. She stops telling himself if he works a good deal that Justin doesnt love her.

As Joan takes these loving actions within her own behalf, she moves to Measure 6 of Inner Bonding – tuning in to how she is feeling. She notices that she is feeling resentful, alone, and anxious. She is feeling happy and peaceful no matter whether Justin is there!

Much like Joans surprise, she discovers that Justin is currently working long hours. She sees that what her Guidance told she’s true that Justin does adore her and would like to be with her, but when she is needy and resentful. By taking care of himself, Joan has totally changed the relationship dynamic between Justin and her without even speaking with Justin about it! By taking care of herself rather than making Justin accountable for her happiness and sense of worth, her fear of jealousy would be to being treated on the path. As long as she rejected herself, she’d be responsive to Justin not being there. She feels left by Justin in no longer left handed herself.

While Justin hasn’t completed the work to heal his own fears of engulfment and rejection he might or might not do his fears have lessoned because of Joans loving behavior toward himself and supporting him. ” he wishes to invest time, Since his fears are getting actuated by Joan. In order for his fears he would have to learn to take loving care of himself at the face of anger and criticism. Joan has no control on whether he chooses to do his work, although he could find out to do this if he learned to practice the Inner Bonding process. As long as Joan continues to take caring for herself, she is able to make her own happiness rather than be spent in whether Justin opens to learning himself.

If Justin demonstrated no interest in having a closer relationship then and had continued to work long hours Joan could have decided to leave the relationship. But the majority of individuals leave. Later doing the inner work required to come up with a powerful adult capable of taking care of yourself, the time to leave is. If, after doing this for a good time period, your spouse is still distant, angry and unavailable, you might consider leaving.

Many times, it takes just one spouse to change a dating system that is dysfunctional. Consider practicing the Six Steps of Inner Bonding before deciding that your marriage can never be what you would like it to be. You may be astonished at the results!